I am a lot.

I am a control freak that knows you can’t control things- but I will always continue to try.

I know that it has to be hard to be my partner. I know that there is a level of tolerance that is reached often.

When a controlling person is given a diagnoses of cancer, it is like throwing gas on a fire- times ten.

In June of 2020, that diagnoses was given to me- the control freak.

Poor Scott.

I dealt with cancer like I deal with everything- I dove head first into anything that would give me a sense of control. And, poor Scott has been there for the entire ride.

I can’t tell you how many hours I have spent having acupuncture or receiving a lymphatic massage.

I have spent hours in red light therapy and in the infrared sauna.

I have listened to countless books and podcast- often pulling over to write down a supplement or term I don’t understand.

I have bought more books than I can read and printed more articles than I can count.

Poor Scott.

We had to clean out a cabinet of dishes for my supplements and powders.

Food- Oh the Food. I spend hours every week in the kitchen, knowing food is medicine.

I do Yoga, exercise, and stretch for hours each week.

Poor Scott.

I walk Ella- often alone.

I watch videos on anything to better my health.

I work on breath work in the grass while grounding.

Poor Scott.

I obsess- which comes back to control.

I know that anything can happen but all this gives me hope.

And Scott, he never says a word.

He never complains about the money I spend on trying to control shit.

He never questions my controlling behaviors.

He pretends to listen and care when I rant about toxic chemicals and how food can heal.

Poor Scott- he has been my sound board for 30 years- and the last 5 have been completely epic.

Cancer can often test a couples strength-

And, we have won.

I am proud of my husband- I am proud of myself.

I am a lot. I am sure Scott bites his tongue often and I am sure he becomes annoyed.

But, he never shows it.

I will continue to be controlling and poor Scott will continue the journey with me-

The last five years have been stressful, heart breaking, scary, and tough.

But, these last five years have also been educational, hopeful, amazing, joyful, and most of all- these last five years have been spent together recovering and becoming stronger than ever.

To the next five years…