I don’t think he has a toenail!

I had counted all his fingers and toes. I looked him over like I was doing an inspection. Yep, he is missing a toenail.

My pediatrician gave me an odd look. Sarah, he is fine and he has all his toenails.

I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t breathe. I was nervous, anxious, and feeling overwhelmed. I had just gone into labor, and now he was here. I am a mom. What the hell is happening?

I have always wanted to be a mom. But, the reality of this moment was hard. What if I do something wrong? What if he gets sick?

My anxious thoughts were taking over and I was starting the exhausting journey of motherhood.

Evan William Johnson was born on July 29, 2005. Evan weighted 7 pounds and 7 ounces. He came into world at 10:11am. His hair was strawberry blonde and his skin was pale.

I was 28 years old and just like that, I was responsible for another human.

Evan cried a lot the first few months. He wanted to be held at all times. He didn’t sleep well and kept me awake for hours.

But, there was a softness to Evan. He was so gentle and just wanted to be connected at all times.

I now understand that children feed off the energy of the caregiver. I was anxious, Evan was anxious. We were both trying to understand this new world together.

By Evan’s toddlers years, he was the ideal child.

Evan loved anything that involved wheels, tools, or animals. He would lay on the ground for hours- slowly watching the wheels turn on his hotwheels, trucks, or toy tractors.

Evan’s hair was blond and curly. He had the brightest eyes.

When Evan was two years old, Anna was born. These two became a team. Evan and Anna did everything together but argued liked normal brother and sister often.

Evan became a brother again to his baby sister, Allie, when he was 5. Having two baby sisters was perfect for Evan; He led the way and the two girls followed.

When Evan was 6 years old, he started school. Evan was shy, kind, and sensitive.

Evan was able to make amazing friendships with baseball buddies and classmates thru his school years.

Evan developed a humor that was beyond words. He would make our entire family laugh uncontrollably.

Teen years grabbed Evan, and we held him tight.

He brought moments to us that were both exciting and questionable.

Evan came to us one evening and told us he bought a Honda Pilot, and he was thinking about racing the next day in an Enduro Race- we both responded with, “what in the hell is that”?

We were scared. After giving us details and hiding our fears, we encouraged him to do the race.

With Evan driving and multiple friends along with him, Evan raced on a dirt track with windows bashed out, helmets on, and smiles for days.

We were the proudest parents at the track.

We feel the teen years have been nothing short of enormous pride, sprinkled with  worry. 

Now, Evan is 18. Evan will graduate from high school in a few months.

Scott and I are told often by strangers that we have raised this one right. Strangers claim that we have done an amazing job in parenting him.

Honestly, Evan has many inborn characteristics that we just helped foster. Evan is highly-tuned in to other people’s emotions. He has compassion for others that makes our hearts swell.

Who is Evan today?

Evan bought his first car (Jeep) with his personal savings at the age of 16. Evan has paid for his car insurance and has never asked for gas money.

Evan continued to save and then bought his dream truck (Duramax Diesel), while still owning his Jeep at the age of 18.

While attending Grant Career Center, Evan was nominated for the Hope Squad (Suicide Prevention Group).

Evan goes to school each day, then he heads to work into the late evening. Evan works doing odd jobs with his dad, friends, and buying and selling on-line.

Proud? Proud doesn’t come close to what we feel in our hearts.

To know Evan, is a gift. To be in the presence of Evan, is remarkable.

To the shy, little blonde haired boy- who has evolved into a well spoken, empathetic adult. I could only hope that the world could be taught lesson from your character. The character of kindness, not moving too fast on reactions, looking with interest, and noticing those around you.

Releasing Evan into the world has been difficult. A child’s loss of innocence is the cost you pay for letting go.

As parents, we let go.

Evan deserves to be let go.

The world needs Evan.