Happy Birthday Mom. You are 72 today.

I have tried to think about the last few birthdays and I am struggling with my memory. I am not sure what age(year) you can last remember celebrating, with awareness.

Your last birthday was in a nursing home during COVID. We were unable to even hug you on your 71st birthday. Actually, your last birthday was the beginning of your complete memory loss.

Right before you turned 71, you contracted COVID- this was the beginning of the end.

Do you remember your 70th birthday? I do!

We took you to Don Ringo’s, we had Mexican! You enjoyed chips, salsa, and coffee with 2 creams.

You made us laugh with your questions and confusion.

There was a horse saddle placed on a block of wood near the entrance. And, yes, we had you on the saddle. We all laughed and took tons of pictures.

I didn’t realize that Don Ringo’s would be your last true birthday celebration.

I don’t think you could recall this celebration but in the moment you had joy. You smiled with complete happiness.

After this celebration, the world became too much for you. It wasn’t your fault. And, you weren’t alone.

COVID turned the world upside down.

You were already fragile. You were already confused. It was too much for your being.

You have always been so connected to humans and animals. Isolation isn’t healthy for any human but I think it affects some more than others. Human touch releases powers of healing, connection, and strength.

For many month I wasn’t able to touch you, brush your hair, or even hold your hand. I think we both needed this for our being.

It has been 5 months since you have left our world. However, I can still feel your hair texture and the coldness of your hands.

Memories are so complex. They can make us feel sadness, happiness, and everything in between. Memories can fade or be so bright they are blinding.

Your memories faded. Your thoughts became intersected.

I can be your lens now. I can see the world that you loved.

I will plant flowers with your hands. I will hug my children with your arms. I will see my husband in your eyes. I will fill my lungs with your breath.

Today your gift is all the things you love- plants, children, rocks, animals, the ocean, and connection. These gifts are forever. Have the happiest birthday ever.

Your baby- Sarah